C’mon Right Wing….

By: Christine Varichak

  After blogging since around the middle of last year, I’ve now become a pretty avid blog-reader; which ironically was never an interest before I actually began writing.  Now a whole new world of people with opinions…political opinions has been made public, permanent, and widely invited.  My research;  scrolling on Facebook, shows that Americans-whether left or right wing…Hate each other.  Not in the Let’s throw tea into the river sort of hate, the I literally want you to die hate.  Which makes me wonder…What are the Republicans (yes I am one) doing wrong, and what can we improve?

  So, fellow right wingers…The following list is comprised of logical advice to those who genuinely want to use social media, and even your personal relationship, as a platform  to witness truth.  Spoiler alert, this is NOT a religious argument…just plain old common sense.

1) Stop Protesting abortion clinics, gay parades, and Target.  Jesus never knocked down the doors of the murderers, or adulterers. He invited them to dine with him.  The Lord wants to save babies, and preserve our rights to our dressing rooms, and bathrooms- true; but He also never controlled people.  That’s not the Christian agenda. 

2. Stop hating on social media.  So you wanna be on social media as a modern day Christian? Sigh.  Ok, then use it as a platform to speak love and life, not hate. You are an ambassador for Christ (his representative), so be cautious…because yes people are watching you. People are out there every day without hope, without the Lord, and they’re waiting for you to live as a Christian, not just say you’re a Christian.

3. Don’t comment unless…When people on Facebook, the Fox News App, or Twitter, leave their feedback on how horrible the Trump Administration is…Just let sleeping dogs lie.  Otherwise you’re inviting an argument, which the book of proverbs says is a trap and a snare.  

 Good luck fellow Republicans, remember that the Lord is compassionate to us, lets remember to love others just the same.


The Best Friend You Will Ever Have…

By: Christine Varichak

  So you have a friend who’s going through a difficult season of life, they call you up for a venting/crying session.  Ok, this friend is a woman.  Men don’t call friends to cry…vent yes, cry…no.  I’ve recognized the best friend I ever had gave me the best advice ever…Nothing. She literally listened, and let me sob it out. Because no one can come over to my house (I’m a single Mom of 2) and teach me how-to’s for every problem going on in my life right now.  EG:Managing my life with two kids.  I’ve come to realize the most dangerous friend you can have is the “fixer”.  You know the type, the “Tell me the problem so I can tell you what I would do if I were you” friend.  I can say this because I am a recovering fixer.  This friend thinks she is helping everyone, but is helping no one.  She wears herself out dolling advice she is in no position to give because she’s not you…

  Now don’t misunderstand me, no one needs the “whiny girl” friend. Calling five nights a week complaining about her dumb husband, or terrible boss, unruly kids, etc.  That’s a hot mess…Or as I like to call her…the whiner baby.  I remember because yes, I am also a recovering whiner baby.  

  The ideal for us, ladies, is to be a good friend so that we have good friends. Listening to one another, leading our girlfriends right to the source who can really minister to us, God.  As much as we see sister Sally and her seemingly perfect family who have it all-together; offering us advice on how we, too can be perfect…the answer should always be; “Lets pray and take this to The Problem Solver, The Holy Spirit”.  That’s where the breakthroughs come, and when we get delivered at the end of the day.

What Real Confidence Looks Like

In·se·cu·ri·ty: Uncertainty or anxiety about oneself, lack of confidence.
  When Melania and Donald Trump were interviewed in 2005 on Larry King Live following their very public January wedding, LK unapologizingly asked the question, “Do you worry about other women wanting Donald?” Melania, without batting an eye, responded;  “No.  I know who I am.  If a man doesn’t want to be with me, why would I want to be with him?  Goodbye, and good luck.” 

 I believe women all too often base their value on how men have valued them.  I believe now is the time to beg the question, “Who are you?” For me, I always battle what my “status” is, versus who I really am. EG, Single Mom, divorced, sister, friend, etc.  But in the scope of eternity, or even 20 years from now, my status will be different. So, I’m basing who I am, on what I do.

I’m here to tell you, none of our ‘stautuses’ define who we are, or who we are going to be.  

The voice of insecurity tells us we are never enough until we DO.  Until we perform.  God says we are either In-Christ, or we aren’t.   There’s no in-between, no purgatory. No category for “considering your options”.  The apostle John says, “Yet for all who did receive Him (Jesus as Lord), to all those who believe in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.”  We are children of God if we believe in Jesus as the resurrected King and Savior of the World.  All we have to do… is believe.  True confidence comes from Jesus and His Word (the Bible).  What Jesus says about us conquers every good and bad thing we could ever do. The apostle Paul explains in the letter to the Church of Ephesians, “For He (Jesus) predestined us for adoption to sonship,  in accordance with His will and pleasure”.  Jesus died and was resurrected so that those who were once strangers to him, would be fulfilled and confident in themselves because of their Sonship in Christ.  The question is, do you believe?  Until you believe, there will always be identification with your do, and never who you are.  

Why Hillary lost…And how TRUMP will win a 2nd Term

I know I know…Bold much?  But I am confident Trump will win a 2nd term…And here’s why!
I remember November 9th like it was yesderday…and seeing the voter’s results come in- with my morning coffee (No I didn’t stay up all night).  I wasn’t shocked, or even surprised…Because I knew why Hillary had lost.

1) Our NEED always wins votes, not our Want.  Americans are smart. I’ll say it again, Americans are smart! We may not always know why we need what we need, but we know we need it! For example I know I need food to survive.  I don’t know the specifics of what exactly happens when I eat, or how my body digests food, but I know if I don’t get enough of it I’ll die.  America had been starving for 8 years, and we know why.  America knows she’s in trouble, and giving out more handouts, bailouts, and “free” healthcare failed.  Period.   We need jobs, factories, good doctors, and help with our budget and deficit; the hammer to come down on ISIS, and other terrorists invading our country.   We’ve lost our original vision of why America was made to be The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave to begin with. Trump fit the bill to restoration. As a businessman, and not a politician trying to stroke the American people, Trump gains our vote of confidence every time. 

2) Enough compassion already!  Hillary’s campaign really screwed up when they advised her to throddle the “compassion pooch” for as long as she could ride. The final debate was a massacre on Women’s Rights as we know them. And coming from a woman…That’s  a pretty sour pill to swallow.  She thought the outright support of aborting full-term babies (which are 50% women!) was the legitimate path to winning women’s trust…All she did was instill the original bad taste in our mouths toward the Clintons…Kinda the same taste (we women) had when she stood behind Bill as he lied to the American people about his affair.  So much for women’s rights…

3) She is a bully…And not a very good one. Reports came flooding in on every news station, women’s talk show, and even SNL wanted a piece of the “Trump takedown” pie…But Trump kept talking about what he was going to change, and how to make ‘America Great Again’.  When he attacked Hillary it wasn’t for her views, but the lack of work she has accomplished according to what she promiced as Senator.  She had already failed in so many of the promices she originally made, and was often double-minded in what her stance actually was…She left many voters confused by September, and worst of all, doubting she could really change anything about America. But rather, to keep implementing what Obama already accomplished in the Dems’ eyes. This didn’t make her a new, hot commodity, but rather a lying policitican, who will sink to the sewer to take Trump down.  

Dear Moms With Toddlers…

By:Christine Varichak

I remember it like it was yesterday…I’m a first time new mom of a One-Year old boy who just learned to walk…And by that I mean Run! Everywhere, in every place, in every direction. I was at my in-laws and my son (Nicholas) and I were jumping on the in-ground trampoline when Nicholas decided he was done with that activity.  He weeble-wobbled his way toward the street when I mad-dashed after him.  I caught him and took a deep breath! That was a close one, I thought. My father in law walked over and suggested I spank Nicholas to teach him he simply cannot go in the street. How archaic, I thought. I’m a new-age, drug free home-birth, yoga class,  homeschooling, organic-eating, vaccine-free Mama.  Don’t tell me what to do!  Of course my real dialogue sounded a bit different…I think I just smiled and walked away.  Fast forward a couple of months and I began second guessing my FIL’s parental advise. When Nicholas and I were napping together (total granola) he must have woken up before me and taken it upon himself to jump out of bed and explore.  This time he made his way all the way outside into our neighbor’s yard…And was watching him mow his lawn…I was MORTIFIED.  How could I sleep through him opening the front door and walking out of it?  I realized my son (like every other person who ever lived) needs structure and boundaries. And like adulthood, there are good choices and bad choices.  Good choices lead to rewards, bad choices lead to consequences. I took Nicholas to the end of our driveway and showed him the line between the driveway and street.  I said, “If you cross this street you will need to hold my hand.  If you disobey, you will revieve a spank.”  Nicholas experimenting and desiring to test me (they all do) walked over the line. He smiled at me.  I spanked his bottom and held his hand as I explained again and again until he grasped what the sure consequence would be;  praising him when during our practice session he reached up his chubby hand to cross. The next morning I pulled our outside toys out and watched him to see what he would do. He ran full-throttle toward the street, his little legs pumping as they went. Then, as his eyes came upon that line he halted. He stared at that line for what must’ve been a minute or two. He looked back at me and held his hand up, refusing to cross without me.  Tears welled up as I realized I taught Nicholas, and more importantly myself a hard-learned lesson that was invaluable. Something no school, graduate degree, toy, or amount of money could teach us.  Life has boundaries, and we must know what they are so that we can succeed.  Whether you’re a Bible-believer or nothing at all, spanking sends children a clear message that life can be dangerous.   That line can be life and death, and instilling consequences shows you love your kids enough to see them succeed!

WHY Women Stay In Abusive Marriages

1) Nowhere to turn.  In most, if not all cases of emotional and physical abuse (including rape), women report they had no support system to get out of the relationship, and stay out. 
2) They feel trapped financially.  As was my case, the home my husband and I shared was (according to Illinois laws) “premarital property”…I was married and shared a home with my husband and two children for seven years, and had NO rights to my own home…literally leaving me and my kids to the street the day I chose to leave with whatever was left in our joint checking account (assuming he didn’t withdraw every last dime online the second I left).  With no job, prospects, or college education, most moms have the overwhelming responsibility to care for the kids. And sharing a home with her abuser is never an option, as the abuse will certainly get worse should she draw the line. 

3) Guilt & shame.  When women are in any type of abusive relationship, there’s NEVER just bruises. Don’t believe that lie. Behind the disguise of makeup and a fake smile, are wounds of emotional guilt and shame. When men beat their wives they never just walk up to them and punch them in the face. They pick and choose women with low self-esteem, body insecurities, and the ideal is a woman with no standard for what she will put up with in a relationship, let alone expectations from her man.  The added guilt of sex as the abuse has ensued adds to the stew of guilt.  So knowing she has already stayed too long…given her body and soul to this “man” for years or even decades, the guilt has repeatedly drilled her with the age old accusation: “If it was really so bad, you should’ve left already.”  Now this woman is being accused by her own mind, not just her partner.  

4) Her trust is already seared.   I remember not even trusting a single person with my secret because my family knew, his family knew, and they didn’t help. At all.  So how was I supposed to trust anyone else?  I even called the police one time that my husband trapped me and my son in the house, and they said if he didn’t hit me, they couldn’t arrest him.  Press charges, nada. “Just leave” the one officer suggested.  I felt faint. Where would I go?  How would we survive?  Which leads to my next reason:

5) Isolation.  The same reason most suisides occur, is that humans; when we feel we’ve exhausted every option, isolate.   We stop talking (no one will listen), we stop seeking solutions (there seems no end in sight), and we decide we are the only person who won’t reject us. Which is also a lie, because that shame and guilt from staying in the abusive relationship festers, and as the abuse continues.  We are alone with the abuser, who only confirms our guilt and shame, that we are not worthy.  

Part 2 Will examine what happens “when a woman stays” and how her family will be affected. 

The Best Revenge

When Elizabeth Smart (age 14)  was returned home after being repeatedly raped and tortured by her captors for nine months of “living hell”, her Mother, (we all know our moms love us more than anyone on this planet) spoke the most profound statement to young Elizabeth.  She could’ve stuck her in therapy for the rest of her life, allowing Elizabeth to victimize what happened to her for the rest of her days (no one would’ve blamed her).  Instead, she empowered her only child.  She said, “Elizabeth, what you’ve been through is terrible, and you may never feel like restitution is made, but the best punishment you can give them is to be happy.” 

Elizabeth is now happily married, spiritually secure, and a thriving advocate against pornography and abuse.  She is helping other girls recieve healing. 
 While I believe strongly in not labeling myself a “victim”, (I was in an abusive marriage for 6 years);I also believe recognizing what abuse has happened, is absolutely necessary to begin the healing process.  How could Elizabeth help others if she refused to give her testimony?  How could she relate to young women if she wasn’t willing to admit what this man and his wife did to her?  Joyce Meyer who is a public figure and advocate for abuse surviviors was repeatedly raped and manipulated for almost her entire childhood (ages 6-17), and guess what her biggest testimony of healing is? Her ability to recognize and confront (her Dad) what happened to her was “Not OK”.  Then, she forgave him, and even took care if him in his ailing years. It seems in the Christian culture today, we want to ‘break free’ from the chains of bondage, quickly, never willing to recognize what occured was…’Not OK’.  We’re  skipping an essential step in our healing process.

If you have been hurt, abused, or manipulated; (haven’t we all in some way?) why not talk to God and tell Him…”That…what happened to me, was Not OK.”..And begin your proecess of The Best Revenge…Get better, heal, and be happy!

 Psalm 124:2

What if the Lord had not been on our side when we were attacked? When they were angry with us, they would have swallowed us alive.