How To Forgive Your Abuser

By : Christine Baskin

Step 1. No longer see yourself as a victim, but rather a SURVIVOR. Which, if you’re reading this…you are indeed a SURVIVOR!

You may not feel like much of a survivor, you may be battling depression, anxiety, nightmares, or just re-playing events over and again in your mind from what happened to you. I thought it was healthy during my separation (for a season) to process-through, or replay the events that happened during my marriage; and that would help me to understand my ex’s choices. But I was wrong. It was like digging up old graves that brought nothing but sorrow.

Forgiveness is easier to achieve when we stop replaying the events, and begin to renew our minds to who we really are. Don’t call yourself a victim, instead begin to speak what God says about you. For example, when you wake up in the morning, before your feet touch the floor: declare a promise of God. For example you can say, “Greater is He (Jesus) that lives in me, than he (Satan) who is in this world.” I can tell you from experience, with each promise you declare, you will feel better!

Step 2: Choose Joy

My 5 year old daughter says, “You’re not making me happy right now.” Whenever I tell her No, or refuse her another brownie. It’s actually become a habit I intend to nip in the bud. After a week or so of guilt, GOD whispered to me, “Tell her it’s not your job to make her happy. She must choose it for herself.”

And so must we.

You cannot count on your spouse to make you happy. You cannot count on your pastor or friends to satisfy you. Setting standards on man that only God can fulfill is not only unfair, but unrealistic. We must choose to be joyful every single day and understand that because God is indeed Sovereign, He allows us free will to make that choice. Choosing Joy doesn’t mean walking around smiling all the time or pretending like nothing’s going on. Joy is simply trusting God through every circumstance, depending on Him for everything, and knowing that He will pull you through any situation and you will be better for it. Joy is something we can certainly ask God for more of- because it is available- and it is abundant IN Christ.

James 1:2-4 Reminds us,
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work, so that you may be complete in your faith, lacking no good thing.”

Step 3 . Recognize the source of your abuse

I was so angry for so long at my abuser that I literally began to pray that God would wipe him off the face of the Earth. I know most Ex-Wives have prayed this once or twice (Christian or not).

We are reminded of the words, those horrific words spoken over us. They follow us around like a stray dog. For some of you, you remember broken bones or bruises, or midnight visits to the hospital. And your children may even remember you being beaten or verbally ridiculed. Some of your abusers were parents who you trusted with your life, yet they robbed you of that trust and took advantage of you. God understands.

I can promise you that if you are in a position that you have to have contact with your abuser, choose to love him as God has loved you in this way: See him as a creation of God, tormented by an enemy (the same enemy you have), yet he is not strong enough to fight back.

The one thing I can say is that if you choose to release your abuser, you will begin to see that the source of your pain is not from the man himself-but from the Devil.

Those slanderous words and accusations, were not from your abuser. They were from the source of all hate , jealousy, envy and strife -They were from Satan himself. Attempting to steal what’s most precious inside of you: your joy, your faith in God, and your faith in yourself. If he can steal those three things he has won. Don’t let him win! Don’t let him steal another second of your joy that God has freely given to you! Don’t let him steal another tear from your eyes! Next time there is a slanderous text message or a nasty email simply delete it, cast your care on the Lord (1 Peter 5:7), and go about your day. We can choose to not allow Satan to steal more than he’s already stolen.

If we choose to live in misery, it’s like opening our purse and asking for someone to rob us every day. Who wants that kind of life? I certainly don’t. Choose to forgive in small steps everyday. This may cost a few months, or years, of conscience effort, journaling, and prayer, but it will be worth it in the end and God will give you the reward!


If Mammy Ain’t Happy….

Googie lifestyle

I dedicate this blog to Carolyn Petitgout and Erica Havekost, the hardest working Moms, and women I’ve ever known.

I had no idea what mothering would be like until I was pregnant with my first son. The fast, hard reality of my body no longer belonging to me was a truth I wanted to sweep under the rug. Yet my ability to do Pre-Pregnant things were fading every day. E.G., wearing a bikini, eating and drinking whatever I wanted, having the energy to take a shower…All things I took for granted.

I’ve found that after being a Mom for nearly 9 years that there are some truths we Moms need to keep written in stone (if they never have been, they should be!)…

Truth #1: Give yourself Allowance To Fail

The perfect Mom DOES NOT EXIST!! We Moms secretly compare ourselves to other Moms, her purse, her home décor, whether she has dishes in the sink when we come over, to see if she ‘has it together’…The reality is that The Perfect Mom doesn’t exist. We Moms will sometimes build up a façade of how perfect we think a better version of ourselves would be like: if we just lost 15 pounds, or made more of an effort to cook healthier, or if we only had more energy to volunteer….Your check list would grow even if you lost the 15, volunteered every week night, and cooked all organic. We will always have an inner checklist, I’m asking you to put it aside, and focus on one probable goal, then give yourself allowance to fail multiple times before you reach it. Start small, then grow into that goal until you’ve reached it. Then know that in different seasons, you may drop the ball, and again have to renew your motive for reaching that goal.

Truth #2: Make every day count, not perfect.

Lets face it ladies, we always feel better when we wake up to a clean kitchen, shiny bathrooms, no toys on the floor, etc. But just last night when I was supposed to be doing dishes, I got caught up in a tickle war with both my son and daughter (a rare entity), and enjoyed every second of it. I took an extra few minutes to enjoy what God has given me, and relax a little, rather than rush to clean. The kids ended up in bed a few minutes later than our schedule dictates, and the dishes never got done, but I had an important revelation: What’s the point of being a Mom, if I don’t relish a single minute of it?

Truth #3: The Hardest Job of All Is…

Being a Stay at Home Mom for 8 years, then returning to work. I can proudly say that staying home with my kids was SOOOOO MUUUCHHH harder than working in an office. I kind of knew it would be easier physically to sit at a desk, versus chasing a poopy toddler, and nursing a crying- teething baby all night; but seriously, you moms who stay home never get a moment to relax. Because even when baby is napping, you’re on-call! You have to jump outta bed the second that baby wakes up, and it never ends. I was emotionally spent after a few short years, but really wanted to stay home a long enough for my daughter to enter preschool, which I did. When I returned to work and got to converse with actual adults all day, do tasks that didn’t feel menial (changing diapers, going to the park, cooking macaroni and cheese for the thousandth time), I felt much more appreciated, and a sense of purpose welled up inside me, that as a Stay At Home Mom I never got. You Moms don’t get Thank-You’s, or pats on the back, or promotions! You get bloody nipples, and stretch marks, and need Starbucks just to make it through dinner. You Stay At Home Moms deserve metals of honor, and so much more…You truly have the hardest job of all.

Blog Written By: Christine Baskin

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C’mon Right Wing….

By: Christine Varichak

  After blogging since around the middle of last year, I’ve now become a pretty avid blog-reader; which ironically was never an interest before I actually began writing.  Now a whole new world of people with opinions…political opinions has been made public, permanent, and widely invited.  My research;  scrolling on Facebook, shows that Americans-whether left or right wing…Hate each other.  Not in the Let’s throw tea into the river sort of hate, the I literally want you to die hate.  Which makes me wonder…What are the Republicans (yes I am one) doing wrong, and what can we improve?

  So, fellow right wingers…The following list is comprised of logical advice to those who genuinely want to use social media, and even your personal relationship, as a platform  to witness truth.  Spoiler alert, this is NOT a religious argument…just plain old common sense.

1) Stop Protesting abortion clinics, gay parades, and Target.  Jesus never knocked down the doors of the murderers, or adulterers. He invited them to dine with him.  The Lord wants to save babies, and preserve our rights to our dressing rooms, and bathrooms- true; but He also never controlled people.  That’s not the Christian agenda. 

2. Stop hating on social media.  So you wanna be on social media as a modern day Christian? Sigh.  Ok, then use it as a platform to speak love and life, not hate. You are an ambassador for Christ (his representative), so be cautious…because yes people are watching you. People are out there every day without hope, without the Lord, and they’re waiting for you to live as a Christian, not just say you’re a Christian.

3. Don’t comment unless…When people on Facebook, the Fox News App, or Twitter, leave their feedback on how horrible the Trump Administration is…Just let sleeping dogs lie.  Otherwise you’re inviting an argument, which the book of proverbs says is a trap and a snare.  

 Good luck fellow Republicans, remember that the Lord is compassionate to us, lets remember to love others just the same.

The Best Friend You Will Ever Have…

By: Christine Varichak

  So you have a friend who’s going through a difficult season of life, they call you up for a venting/crying session.  Ok, this friend is a woman.  Men don’t call friends to cry…vent yes, cry…no.  I’ve recognized the best friend I ever had gave me the best advice ever…Nothing. She literally listened, and let me sob it out. Because no one can come over to my house (I’m a single Mom of 2) and teach me how-to’s for every problem going on in my life right now.  EG:Managing my life with two kids.  I’ve come to realize the most dangerous friend you can have is the “fixer”.  You know the type, the “Tell me the problem so I can tell you what I would do if I were you” friend.  I can say this because I am a recovering fixer.  This friend thinks she is helping everyone, but is helping no one.  She wears herself out dolling advice she is in no position to give because she’s not you…

  Now don’t misunderstand me, no one needs the “whiny girl” friend. Calling five nights a week complaining about her dumb husband, or terrible boss, unruly kids, etc.  That’s a hot mess…Or as I like to call her…the whiner baby.  I remember because yes, I am also a recovering whiner baby.  

  The ideal for us, ladies, is to be a good friend so that we have good friends. Listening to one another, leading our girlfriends right to the source who can really minister to us, God.  As much as we see sister Sally and her seemingly perfect family who have it all-together; offering us advice on how we, too can be perfect…the answer should always be; “Lets pray and take this to The Problem Solver, The Holy Spirit”.  That’s where the breakthroughs come, and when we get delivered at the end of the day.

What Real Confidence Looks Like

In·se·cu·ri·ty: Uncertainty or anxiety about oneself, lack of confidence.
  When Melania and Donald Trump were interviewed in 2005 on Larry King Live following their very public January wedding, LK unapologizingly asked the question, “Do you worry about other women wanting Donald?” Melania, without batting an eye, responded;  “No.  I know who I am.  If a man doesn’t want to be with me, why would I want to be with him?  Goodbye, and good luck.” 

 I believe women all too often base their value on how men have valued them.  I believe now is the time to beg the question, “Who are you?” For me, I always battle what my “status” is, versus who I really am. EG, Single Mom, divorced, sister, friend, etc.  But in the scope of eternity, or even 20 years from now, my status will be different. So, I’m basing who I am, on what I do.

I’m here to tell you, none of our ‘stautuses’ define who we are, or who we are going to be.  

The voice of insecurity tells us we are never enough until we DO.  Until we perform.  God says we are either In-Christ, or we aren’t.   There’s no in-between, no purgatory. No category for “considering your options”.  The apostle John says, “Yet for all who did receive Him (Jesus as Lord), to all those who believe in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.”  We are children of God if we believe in Jesus as the resurrected King and Savior of the World.  All we have to do… is believe.  True confidence comes from Jesus and His Word (the Bible).  What Jesus says about us conquers every good and bad thing we could ever do. The apostle Paul explains in the letter to the Church of Ephesians, “For He (Jesus) predestined us for adoption to sonship,  in accordance with His will and pleasure”.  Jesus died and was resurrected so that those who were once strangers to him, would be fulfilled and confident in themselves because of their Sonship in Christ.  The question is, do you believe?  Until you believe, there will always be identification with your do, and never who you are.  

Why Hillary lost…And how TRUMP will win a 2nd Term

I know I know…Bold much?  But I am confident Trump will win a 2nd term…And here’s why!
I remember November 9th like it was yesderday…and seeing the voter’s results come in- with my morning coffee (No I didn’t stay up all night).  I wasn’t shocked, or even surprised…Because I knew why Hillary had lost.

1) Our NEED always wins votes, not our Want.  Americans are smart. I’ll say it again, Americans are smart! We may not always know why we need what we need, but we know we need it! For example I know I need food to survive.  I don’t know the specifics of what exactly happens when I eat, or how my body digests food, but I know if I don’t get enough of it I’ll die.  America had been starving for 8 years, and we know why.  America knows she’s in trouble, and giving out more handouts, bailouts, and “free” healthcare failed.  Period.   We need jobs, factories, good doctors, and help with our budget and deficit; the hammer to come down on ISIS, and other terrorists invading our country.   We’ve lost our original vision of why America was made to be The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave to begin with. Trump fit the bill to restoration. As a businessman, and not a politician trying to stroke the American people, Trump gains our vote of confidence every time. 

2) Enough compassion already!  Hillary’s campaign really screwed up when they advised her to throddle the “compassion pooch” for as long as she could ride. The final debate was a massacre on Women’s Rights as we know them. And coming from a woman…That’s  a pretty sour pill to swallow.  She thought the outright support of aborting full-term babies (which are 50% women!) was the legitimate path to winning women’s trust…All she did was instill the original bad taste in our mouths toward the Clintons…Kinda the same taste (we women) had when she stood behind Bill as he lied to the American people about his affair.  So much for women’s rights…

3) She is a bully…And not a very good one. Reports came flooding in on every news station, women’s talk show, and even SNL wanted a piece of the “Trump takedown” pie…But Trump kept talking about what he was going to change, and how to make ‘America Great Again’.  When he attacked Hillary it wasn’t for her views, but the lack of work she has accomplished according to what she promiced as Senator.  She had already failed in so many of the promices she originally made, and was often double-minded in what her stance actually was…She left many voters confused by September, and worst of all, doubting she could really change anything about America. But rather, to keep implementing what Obama already accomplished in the Dems’ eyes. This didn’t make her a new, hot commodity, but rather a lying policitican, who will sink to the sewer to take Trump down.  

Dear Moms With Toddlers…

By:Christine Varichak

I remember it like it was yesterday…I’m a first time new mom of a One-Year old boy who just learned to walk…And by that I mean Run! Everywhere, in every place, in every direction. I was at my in-laws and my son (Nicholas) and I were jumping on the in-ground trampoline when Nicholas decided he was done with that activity.  He weeble-wobbled his way toward the street when I mad-dashed after him.  I caught him and took a deep breath! That was a close one, I thought. My father in law walked over and suggested I spank Nicholas to teach him he simply cannot go in the street. How archaic, I thought. I’m a new-age, drug free home-birth, yoga class,  homeschooling, organic-eating, vaccine-free Mama.  Don’t tell me what to do!  Of course my real dialogue sounded a bit different…I think I just smiled and walked away.  Fast forward a couple of months and I began second guessing my FIL’s parental advise. When Nicholas and I were napping together (total granola) he must have woken up before me and taken it upon himself to jump out of bed and explore.  This time he made his way all the way outside into our neighbor’s yard…And was watching him mow his lawn…I was MORTIFIED.  How could I sleep through him opening the front door and walking out of it?  I realized my son (like every other person who ever lived) needs structure and boundaries. And like adulthood, there are good choices and bad choices.  Good choices lead to rewards, bad choices lead to consequences. I took Nicholas to the end of our driveway and showed him the line between the driveway and street.  I said, “If you cross this street you will need to hold my hand.  If you disobey, you will revieve a spank.”  Nicholas experimenting and desiring to test me (they all do) walked over the line. He smiled at me.  I spanked his bottom and held his hand as I explained again and again until he grasped what the sure consequence would be;  praising him when during our practice session he reached up his chubby hand to cross. The next morning I pulled our outside toys out and watched him to see what he would do. He ran full-throttle toward the street, his little legs pumping as they went. Then, as his eyes came upon that line he halted. He stared at that line for what must’ve been a minute or two. He looked back at me and held his hand up, refusing to cross without me.  Tears welled up as I realized I taught Nicholas, and more importantly myself a hard-learned lesson that was invaluable. Something no school, graduate degree, toy, or amount of money could teach us.  Life has boundaries, and we must know what they are so that we can succeed.  Whether you’re a Bible-believer or nothing at all, spanking sends children a clear message that life can be dangerous.   That line can be life and death, and instilling consequences shows you love your kids enough to see them succeed!